3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
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