Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Randomize
