Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
