This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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