my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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