You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
