if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
What a dumb baby whore.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
