the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
