I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Randomize
