so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
