Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
