My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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