I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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