Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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