Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Randomize
