Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
