ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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