do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
