Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
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