yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
