Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
Randomize
