me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
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