I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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