Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
