Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(586): View more from Michigan

I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market

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(916): View more from California

ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra

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(570): View more from Pennsylvania

Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.

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(208): View more from Idaho

She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.

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(303): View more from Colorado

im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.

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(404): View more from Georgia

I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro

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(216): View more from Ohio

Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed

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(614): View more from Ohio

you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call

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