just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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