I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
