My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Naked. naked and bneed help.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
