What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
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She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
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Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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