I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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