either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
