how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
