I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
