You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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