I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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