oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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