i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
