The maid of honor just puked.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
