i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Randomize
