i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize