i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
