My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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