even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
he was CRYING into my vagina
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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