I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
