i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
