we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
