Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I'm having to shit out rocks
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
