When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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