I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Oh god it's open bar.
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