Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
