I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
