The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
ttyl tear gas
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
