You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Randomize
