i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
and i looked up. we had an audience...
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
