If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
