my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
