He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
