I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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