accomplished twins. life is a go
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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