The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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