So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
