called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
