Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
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