she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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