Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
