Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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