he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
